Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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