Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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