God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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