I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
