sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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