I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
