That's intense
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
