Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
