I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
