my vag is so smooth its legendary
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
