i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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