I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
