he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Randomize
