The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize