i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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