her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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