You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You dont lie about slip and slides
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
