I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
