After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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