Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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