Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
