I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
