Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
