How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You're earring is so big in my mouth
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
