Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
