how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
