If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
