So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize