why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
