You just made me feel so damn special
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is it because I queefed?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
