After last night, I could never be a politician.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
