I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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