ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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