I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
