Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
