You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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