And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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