I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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