look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
