I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
