Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
