I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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