Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
