as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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