Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
