Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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