We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
