I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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