fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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