oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
