my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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