I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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