We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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