almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
