3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We're facebook friends in real life
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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