Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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