If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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