I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
