Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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