WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
