Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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