Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
