Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
