"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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