new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
