someone threw a dead crab at me
worst night to have a conscience
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
