Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
