Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
