this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
