fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I puked a lego.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
nutella sex= disaster
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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