I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
