Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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