i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
