When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
