Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize