You're my little dorito
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
