we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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