He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
