I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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