You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
