drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Randomize
