I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
worst night to have a conscience
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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