I queefed so loud it echoed.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
