The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize