he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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