it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
