Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
