3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
