Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
