So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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