The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
