i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
