Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
