He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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