Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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