my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
