I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
