If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
