I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
