Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
