You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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