sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
