You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
