I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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