biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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